Afraid to Fail = I DO

its all summed up in those three words.  It applies to so many areas of my life. 
why don't i get curtains for my living room? i'm afraid I won't like them
why don't I just get a new swimsuit ? I'm afraid it' won't be perfect on my
why don't i try harder at losing weight? i'm afraid if I try, i'll fail
I spent a year in counseling (roughly $1,000) learning to think things through and not be afraid of my own thoughts.
i'm afraid of doing without that bowl of cereal
I'm afraid of not being able to calm down without that bite of chocolate.
I'm afraid of feeling deprived if we don't go all the way to Grapevine for a Krispy Kreme donut.
I'm afraid to try cause i might fail.
I'm afraid to try cause i might fail.

well, the only rebuttal to that is:  don't be afraid
don't be afraid to try
don't be afraid to try and do without that bowl of cereal in teh late evening
don't be afraid to take that little short walk around the block.
don't be afraid to take your lunch to work
don't be afraid to exercise two days in a row
don't be afraid to make new patterns
don't be afraid to make the same healthy decisions more than one time.
if you can do it one time, you can doing it again "one time"

If I can do it one time - i can do int AGAIN.

the phrase "dont' be afraid" can be translated into "be willing"

be willing to try and do without that bowl of cereal in teh late evening
be willing to take that little short walk around the block.
be willing to take your lunch to work
be willing to exercise two days in a row
be willing to make new patterns
be willing make the same healthy decisions more than one time.

the phrase "be willing" can be translated to "i can"  and "i can" can be translated to  "I DO"

I DO without that bowl of cereal in teh late evening
I DO take that little short walk around the block.
I DO take my lunch to work
I DO exercise two days in a row
I DO make new patterns
I DO make the same healthy decisions more than one time.

Daniel Witnesses

At the ripe old age of 4.5 years old, Daniel has made his first witness to his mommy and daddy about Jesus.  He said sin is like germs no one wants germs. So I kept pressing and asked about salvation and he said that's what Jesus brings.  I asked about healing and again he said it takes away our sins.  Blood washes sin away said my little boy.  whose blood?  By this time he was getting annoyed at me and said JESUS BLOOD WASHES SIN!!!!

Moments like this make my brain go in a lot of directions in a very short time:

• Christian Private School has taught my little boy something very special
• I am so happy we were able to have them at Lakeland
• I am so sad we won't be attending Lakeland after this year.
• I am just thankful we were so fortunate enough to have had them at Lakeland for 3 years each.

Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus!!!

Accepting yourself

These days love is bringing me self confidence.  I am enjoying a new level of self-confidence.  I am also returning to a place where i care about myself and my appearance.  This in turn is leading to me caring about my body - solely for the sake of feeling better and being a better me. I truly believe that i must "put my oxygen mask on before i can help anyone around me."  One more cliche i am living in my life is the old adage that "if momma ain't happy, nobody's happy."  I am feeling better. I've ordered a new Body Media armband with bluetooth link and i have new shoes for walking with new inserts.  My Jillian DVD's are loaded on my iPad.  I may have found the ideal workout spot in our house:  THE BATHROOM ! ! !  It is big and open and set apart from the boys rooms and the kitchen where David is likely to be after the boys are put to bed!!!

In November of 2012, my face started breaking out with Female Hormonal Cystic Acne and it was painful and itchy and ugly and embarrassing.  I visited the PA at Southlake Dermatology.  I was put on a treatment plan that included Monodox, an antibiotic, Ziana a retinol anti bacterial gel and Spironolactone to control the acne.  The results have been great, but i'm sure they could be better if i made a better effort at washing my face and using the gel and taking the meds.  Well today, i did it. I bought a "brightener" for the spots left behind after the cystic acne cleared up.  It was $125.00.  I charged it but and having a hard time justifying it for myself. I will use it and it is going to make these spots go away.  Everything that Southlake Dermatology has suggested has worked out wonderfully.

Things are coming together for me in a new way.  This just doesn't feel like i'm doing lip service to being healthy.  I am living these new changes and living this new life.

Good Weekend

Our weekend around here was more or less uneventful.  We did  introduce some new toys - new as in we hadn't played with in 2 months:  GEO Trax.  They toys were not brought out freely, they had to be earned.  Daniel earned them:  He "cleaned the whole house."  What this actually meant was that he picked up his room and picked up his toys and did the same in the living room!  And all I could do was oblige.  The Geo Trax did hold their attention and the boys played well together.

Brief aside:  The boys usual bed time during the school years is 7:00 to 7:45.  Well, Christian was determined to stay up all night long like his friend Cameron.  Supposedly, Cameron is allowed to stay up all night long reading and reading and reading.  Well on Saturday night, I was pretty easy going about the bedtime routine.  I didn't rush and I didn't make demands for a strict bedtime.  Well Christian's experiment only went on to 8:30 pm.  He said he was tired and didn't feel good.  So we rocked and he promptly took two minutes to be asleep.  I'm finding sometimes, its ok to let them try some things on their own and come to their own conclusion.

Today was a beautiful day sunshine and 70 degrees.  We headed to Target to pick up a prescription and some new sheets for Daniel's bed.  We found what we were looking for and it was one of the best  outings we've had in a while.  It was made so pleasant because boys boys used their iPad mini's while    I was there.  It was kind of cute to see both of them doing their own thing but it was a wonderful 45 minutes for me as i was able to think and choose some sheets and look around just a bit that most other days jsut don't allow. This could be the beginning of a new phase of our family life.  I was able to think a thought through long enough to whip together a basic hotdog lunch with everthing we needed available at Target.  Daniel promptly remembered that Hot Dogs are s staple for us on the days we come back from Tiki Beach.  It makes me happy to know that we are making memories that my guys are already storing and bringing back up.  Makes my mommy heart smile.

Happy 2013

The new year has brought alot of new and exciting changes for me and my family.  My first celebration of the year was our 7th wedding anniversary.  Seven years have flown by yet its been ten years we've been together. David and I both agree, it's flown by and yet, it's been a lifetime.  Which ever the case may be, it's been a busy 7 years.  We bought a house, gotten married, had a baby, had another baby  put babies into preschool, survived the 2008 economic downturn and returned to full time employment sent a baby to Kindergarten - Dual Language at that.  And through most of all that we shared every bit of it, loved it and laughed about alot of it.  We have enjoyed what love brings.

Late 2012 I had my life changing epiphany another thing that love brought.  This came from learning to love and accept me any my body just the way it is today.  Not the way i wish it was, or wish it will be, or gonna be some day. TODAY.  I have learned to love and accept me as I am - all 235 pounds.  For the first time ever, I didn't cringe when i took pictures and was in pictures at Christmas.  If truly want to document my life i will have to be in some of the photos.  I don't have to but I want to!!!  This is such a different story than I've ever "owned". 

Learning to accept me led to my next step:  Weight loss surgery.  And like all my life adventures, David was right there behind me. But, it was like I was missing a piece like i was refusing to truly jump in with both of my feet. So I did the only thing I knew would give me peace in my heart.  I took the idea to Tiffany Smith!! After one hour, she helped me see that even surgery was me looking for a short cut.  My ugly elephant was "exercise"  If i dont' like to exercise now what makes me think I am going to want to exercise once i had surgery. I have to change how i think about exercise....

So I left her office with the plan to see a nutritionist and so I found Urban Nutrition - covered by Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance and Ms. Jessica Coffee...  I've been set up with my fitness pal and am currently at 1800 calories and stillnot exercising, BUT.  i have lost 3 pounds and had so many more NSV's non-scale victories!!  I am very proud of myself. 

I graduated

Counseling - I graduated from counseling.  I've been seeing Tiffany Smith since September of 2011.  With her help, I have had the courage to look at me and like me. In that process, I began to like those around me, namely my husband and my kids.  I loved them and took care of them, but I like them now LIKE them. I find them funny and interesting and want to get to know them, not just take care of them and feed them.

Tiffany guided me to find my own confidence that I had let go of and found myself too.  I began to like me and be willing to look at me and be willing to face me in the mirror.  Counseling has changed my life from this point forward.  It did not change my past, it did not erase my past.  I gained skills to let it go and remain in the past.  It is and was as if the past was the big white elephant in the room.  So I turned and looked at the elephant and faced it and touched it and hugged it.  Finally I was able to look away from it, and most importantly, move on.  There is so much more to me than my white elephant that used to follow me around everywhere i went.  Well i followed me because i had it on a leash - I took it everywhere i went.  I finally learned how to open my hand and let go of the leash.  I am free from my past.  It is still there and it is still mine, but I'm free.

I used my self confidence to look up from seeing the numbers on the scale and only on myself.  Once I looked up from the scale and my feet, life suddenly had so much to offer that I'd been missing and suddenly when I quit looking at myself, it was no longer about me but the world around me and my loved ones.

If I change how I think, I can change how I feel
if I change who i feel, I will change how I see the world around me.

So I have some bad LDL cholesterol

Take Steps to Reduce Cholesterol

Prevention

Adoption of a healthier lifestyle, including aerobic exercise and a low-fat diet, should reduce the prevalence of obesity, high cholesterol, and, ultimately, the risk of coronary heart disease.

• First, see your doctor. A simple blood test checks for high cholesterol. You may be asked to fast overnight before the test. Just knowing your total cholesterol level isn't enough. A complete lipid profile measures your LDL, total cholesterol, HDL (the good cholesterol), and triglycerides. The guidelines say healthy adults should have this analysis every 5 years.
  
• Next, set dietary goals based on the guidelines from the National Cholesterol Education Program.
  
• 
  
• Strive for daily intake of less than 7% of your calories from saturated fat and less than 200 mg of cholesterol from the food you eat.
  
• You may eat up to 30% of your calories from total fat, but most should be from unsaturated fat, which doesn't raise cholesterol levels.
  
• Add more soluble fiber (found in cereal grains, beans, peas, and manyfruits and vegetables) and foods that contain plant stanols and sterols (included in certain margarines and salad dressings) to boost your LDL-lowering power. The best way to know what's in the foods you eat is to read the nutrition label.
  
• Lower cholesterol levels start at the grocery store. Read food labels, and buy foods low in saturated fat and low in cholesterol. To help you know what to look for when grocery shopping, the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute has a partial shopping list for you.
  
• Breads - Whole wheat, rye, pumpernickel, or white
  
• Soft tortillas - Corn or whole wheat
  
• Hot and cold cereals - Except granola or muesli
  
• Rice - White, brown, wild, basmati, or jasmine
  
• Grains - Bulgur, couscous, quinoa, barley, hominy, or millet
  
• Fruits - Any fresh, canned, dried, or frozen without added sugar
  
• Vegetables - Any fresh, frozen, or (low-salt) canned without cream or cheese sauce
  
• Fresh or frozen juices without added sugar
  
• Fat-free or 1% milk
  
• Cheese with 3 grams of fat or less per serving
  
• Low-fat or nonfat yogurt
  
• Lean cuts of meat - Eye of round beef, top round, sirloin, or pork tenderloin
  
• Lean or extra lean ground beef
  
• Chicken or turkey - White or light meat, skin removed
  
• Fish - Most white meat fish is very low in fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol.
  
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• Tuna - Light meat canned in water
  
• Peanut butter, reduced fat
  
• Eggs, egg whites, egg substitutes
  
• Low-fat cookies or angel food cake
  
• Low-fat frozen yogurt, sorbet, sherbet
  
• Popcorn without butter or oil, pretzels, baked tortilla chips
  
• Margarine - Soft, diet, tub, or liquid
  
• Vegetable oil - Canola, olive, corn, peanut, or sunflower
  
• Nonstick cooking spray
  
• Sparkling water, tea, lemonade
  
• Manage your cholesterol. You can take an important first step toward a healthier heart by enrolling in the American Heart Association's Cholesterol Low Down Program. High cholesterol is a leading risk factor for coronary heart disease and stroke. Sign up by phone ([800] AHA-USA1) or online at American Heart Association's Cholesterol Low Down Program to receive life-management tools such as a newsletter, health risk assessment, and healthy-living cookbooks and fitness tips.
  
• Calculate your 10-year risk of having a heart attack. The risk assessment tool presented at this link is from the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute's National Cholesterol Education Program. It uses scientific research information to predict your chance of having a heart attack in the next 10 years. For adults older than 20 years who do not have heart disease or diabetes, click the link to assess your risk score. Those with diabetes and others with a 10-year risk greater than 20% are considered to have the same risk for future heart disease events as people with known coronary heart disease. You'll need to know your total cholesterol, HDL cholesterol level, and systolic blood pressure (the first number).
  
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• The National Cholesterol Education Program Web site will tell you what your LDL cholesterol goal should be. For people with known coronary heart disease and similar risk, the LDL cholesterol goal is less than 100 mg/dL.