Accepting yourself

These days love is bringing me self confidence.  I am enjoying a new level of self-confidence.  I am also returning to a place where i care about myself and my appearance.  This in turn is leading to me caring about my body - solely for the sake of feeling better and being a better me. I truly believe that i must "put my oxygen mask on before i can help anyone around me."  One more cliche i am living in my life is the old adage that "if momma ain't happy, nobody's happy."  I am feeling better. I've ordered a new Body Media armband with bluetooth link and i have new shoes for walking with new inserts.  My Jillian DVD's are loaded on my iPad.  I may have found the ideal workout spot in our house:  THE BATHROOM ! ! !  It is big and open and set apart from the boys rooms and the kitchen where David is likely to be after the boys are put to bed!!!

In November of 2012, my face started breaking out with Female Hormonal Cystic Acne and it was painful and itchy and ugly and embarrassing.  I visited the PA at Southlake Dermatology.  I was put on a treatment plan that included Monodox, an antibiotic, Ziana a retinol anti bacterial gel and Spironolactone to control the acne.  The results have been great, but i'm sure they could be better if i made a better effort at washing my face and using the gel and taking the meds.  Well today, i did it. I bought a "brightener" for the spots left behind after the cystic acne cleared up.  It was $125.00.  I charged it but and having a hard time justifying it for myself. I will use it and it is going to make these spots go away.  Everything that Southlake Dermatology has suggested has worked out wonderfully.

Things are coming together for me in a new way.  This just doesn't feel like i'm doing lip service to being healthy.  I am living these new changes and living this new life.

Good Weekend

Our weekend around here was more or less uneventful.  We did  introduce some new toys - new as in we hadn't played with in 2 months:  GEO Trax.  They toys were not brought out freely, they had to be earned.  Daniel earned them:  He "cleaned the whole house."  What this actually meant was that he picked up his room and picked up his toys and did the same in the living room!  And all I could do was oblige.  The Geo Trax did hold their attention and the boys played well together.

Brief aside:  The boys usual bed time during the school years is 7:00 to 7:45.  Well, Christian was determined to stay up all night long like his friend Cameron.  Supposedly, Cameron is allowed to stay up all night long reading and reading and reading.  Well on Saturday night, I was pretty easy going about the bedtime routine.  I didn't rush and I didn't make demands for a strict bedtime.  Well Christian's experiment only went on to 8:30 pm.  He said he was tired and didn't feel good.  So we rocked and he promptly took two minutes to be asleep.  I'm finding sometimes, its ok to let them try some things on their own and come to their own conclusion.

Today was a beautiful day sunshine and 70 degrees.  We headed to Target to pick up a prescription and some new sheets for Daniel's bed.  We found what we were looking for and it was one of the best  outings we've had in a while.  It was made so pleasant because boys boys used their iPad mini's while    I was there.  It was kind of cute to see both of them doing their own thing but it was a wonderful 45 minutes for me as i was able to think and choose some sheets and look around just a bit that most other days jsut don't allow. This could be the beginning of a new phase of our family life.  I was able to think a thought through long enough to whip together a basic hotdog lunch with everthing we needed available at Target.  Daniel promptly remembered that Hot Dogs are s staple for us on the days we come back from Tiki Beach.  It makes me happy to know that we are making memories that my guys are already storing and bringing back up.  Makes my mommy heart smile.

Happy 2013

The new year has brought alot of new and exciting changes for me and my family.  My first celebration of the year was our 7th wedding anniversary.  Seven years have flown by yet its been ten years we've been together. David and I both agree, it's flown by and yet, it's been a lifetime.  Which ever the case may be, it's been a busy 7 years.  We bought a house, gotten married, had a baby, had another baby  put babies into preschool, survived the 2008 economic downturn and returned to full time employment sent a baby to Kindergarten - Dual Language at that.  And through most of all that we shared every bit of it, loved it and laughed about alot of it.  We have enjoyed what love brings.

Late 2012 I had my life changing epiphany another thing that love brought.  This came from learning to love and accept me any my body just the way it is today.  Not the way i wish it was, or wish it will be, or gonna be some day. TODAY.  I have learned to love and accept me as I am - all 235 pounds.  For the first time ever, I didn't cringe when i took pictures and was in pictures at Christmas.  If truly want to document my life i will have to be in some of the photos.  I don't have to but I want to!!!  This is such a different story than I've ever "owned". 

Learning to accept me led to my next step:  Weight loss surgery.  And like all my life adventures, David was right there behind me. But, it was like I was missing a piece like i was refusing to truly jump in with both of my feet. So I did the only thing I knew would give me peace in my heart.  I took the idea to Tiffany Smith!! After one hour, she helped me see that even surgery was me looking for a short cut.  My ugly elephant was "exercise"  If i dont' like to exercise now what makes me think I am going to want to exercise once i had surgery. I have to change how i think about exercise....

So I left her office with the plan to see a nutritionist and so I found Urban Nutrition - covered by Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance and Ms. Jessica Coffee...  I've been set up with my fitness pal and am currently at 1800 calories and stillnot exercising, BUT.  i have lost 3 pounds and had so many more NSV's non-scale victories!!  I am very proud of myself.